Facing Reality

I've been distracted lately. I wake up, I go to work, I come home and I put most of my focus into my new "Colitis Ninja" project. Last night, as I was lying in bed, several thoughts came to mind as they so often do when you're trying to get a good night's sleep. One of those thoughts plagued me so much that I turned to my husband and said, "Sweetie, I think the reason I'm so caught up in this whole project is so that I can avoid thinking about surgery."

Don't get me wrong! I love this project. I'm really having a lot of fun and LOVING the support that I'm finding in the IBD community. I started this project to help others as they face their long, frustrating battles with Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis. This is what I feel I'm truly meant to do.

My husband thought for a moment and replied, "Yes. I think you are using it as a coping mechanism. While I think it is good to keep yourself distracted and upbeat, you also need to come to terms with surgery."

I thought about it. He's right. I have definitely been trying to avoid thinking about all the gruesome details and what life will be like afterwards. It will not be an easy recovery process and this is going to be a TWO-PART surgery, so I have to remember that it isn't the end after the first surgery is over.

I also have to remember that it isn't the end after the second surgery. I have to take into consideration that this is a permanent deal. I cannot magically have a new colon if I decide I don't like it.

I've read many testimonies from others about how this surgery changed their quality of life for the better (awesome!), but they have warned me of the challenges (blockages, infection risks, dehydration, to name a few). I need to remember, as one blogger pointed out, THIS IS NOT A CURE FOR THE DISEASE! 

It is true. I have been walking around the issue, not wanting to truly let it sink in. I've really only had one good cry about it and even then I forced back the tears and put it out of my mind. How do you prepare for such a huge life change, I wonder...?

I am determined to keep a positive attitude. I must put things into perspective and prepare for what is ahead. I must prepare myself mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I must keep praying and fighting as I face this reality. For those of you facing this reality as well, I hope you'll join me in this battle. Please know that you are in my prayers continually. May God bless you.